I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
he fucked my hip out of place.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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