i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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