I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
