But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
even my farts smell like vagina
The beer is more important than you right now.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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