his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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