guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
