don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
