tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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