nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Randomize