everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
