Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
