wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
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