no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
