i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
