You can't motorboat a personality
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
