please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
