A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
