She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Randomize
