I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
