You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
