I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
