Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
