It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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