So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
