she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
