This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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