is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
