hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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