4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
