Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
