True but thats because hes a fetus.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
