it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
