just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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