THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
