and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
