I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
