To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
