So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
