I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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