You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
