We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
