so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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