i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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