you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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