Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
