two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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