Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Two words: blizzard sex
Randomize
