And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
