there was a trapeze. enough said
bring money and cleavage
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
