Sponge bath it is.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
