Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
