id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
