She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
we're so committed to being not committed
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
