You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
People with herpes should wear stickers.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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