theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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