she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
