Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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