Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
