I wanna bring you to show and tell
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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