i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
