Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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