therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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