Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
