I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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