Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
