Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
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