the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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