Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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