I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
