he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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