Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
