If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize