JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize
