oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
